Hi, I am desperate to play the accordion and need to find
out immediately how to do this, otherwise I will kill myself.
Yours accordingly
Len Stovetits of Sidcup
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I have had many requests
over the years from people who would like me to explain to
them how to play the accordion but I just ignored them thinking
they were making some kind of sick joke. However, this recent
communication from Sidcup has forced me to think again.
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1. Get an accordion.
Any accordion will do as long as it has black and white long
things on one side and small buttons on the other side and
a squishy in and out thing in between them. |
| 2. Put the accordion
on yourself by putting your arms through the straps so that
the black and white long things are hanging down on your right
and the button things are on your left. These should be facing
outwards. |
| 3. Put your fingers
on the black and white things and press them while pulling the
squishy in and out thing in and out. They should make a kind
of horrible sound which should be out of tune. If it is not
out of tune press the button or buttons above the black and
white things and it should eventually sound more out of tune. |
4. Press some of
the buttons. A similar thing should happen. |
| 5. Try pressing both
the sides at once. It should be worse. |
6. This is about
what it should sound like except you can learn to play the
black and white things in a specific order if you like and
you could also match the button things with the black and
white things but it's not really important as the accordion
always sounds horrible. |
| 7. Most useful is
that if you press the small button usually situated above
the other buttons while pulling and pushing the squishy in
and out thing in and out, it will sound like heavy breathing.
You might find this useful for something. |
8. Another thing
not many people know is that all accordions are fitted with
a devide which if stepped on in a particular way will arm
the accordion. If the person who stepped on it moves, the
accordion will detonate. I have no idea why this is really. |
9. Do not attempt
to play your accordion with other people unless you are prepared
to get verbally and most likely physically abused. |
10. Do not allow
any part of your accordion to come into contact with babies,
the elderly or infirm and those with perfect pitch or good
hearing. |
11. NB accordions
are highly flammable so are easy to get rid of. |
| 12. Boys! - beware
the low-slung accordion! |
Stockport Accordion
Club
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| SAC
meets every Wednesday at Woodley Methodist Church, Chapel St,
Woodley, Stockport (J25 M60, follow the Bredbury signs, and
then turn left at the traffic lights just after McDonalds. Woodley
Methodist Church is on the left coming from the M60, not far
after the Wagon & Horses pub and opposite a road named Smithy
Green. Musical Directors: Peter Whiteley (SAC Band, 7pm to 8.30pm)
and Brian Jenkins (SAC Orchestra, 9pm to 10.30pm) New members
always welcome. For details and info on the club, telephone
or email Rob
Howard on 0161 480 8858.
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